conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
