You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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