Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
