If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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