I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Text me some of your sweat
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
