I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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