so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
