I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
