I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
