already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
