omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
