I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
