So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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