So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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