:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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