the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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