By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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