Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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