this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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