If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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