I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
