I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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