I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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