Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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