Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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