Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Randomize
