how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
