He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
