I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
