I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Randomize
