So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
