I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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