Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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