it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
