My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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