I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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