awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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