I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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