Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize
