Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Define "chronic" masturbator.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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