Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
