Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
