i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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