u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
