So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
