I just made out with a guy for $7.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
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he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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