I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike