Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
barbara walters just said penis...
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
