White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I deserve this hangover.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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