I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
