i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
