Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
