it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
