we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
