Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
