bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
