my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
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