Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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