member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
