just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
