At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
