just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
