is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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