Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
