Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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