omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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